Yultide joy?

It is the 16th. The tree has been sitting there looking "lit" for a week--and I make myself go get the ornaments boxes. M had shown up yesterday, and there was a brief hope of help, but she has flitted off again, forgetting that this might be "fun"--or maybe deciding that it would not be as "fun" as her plans.

E. has always wanted a "matching" tree (ironic if you knew her), like the ones in the department stores, with all the same ornaments, perfectly spaced lights, and festooned with matching adornments. I like my tree better, although nothing matches. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and it is not the tree or the ornaments that I find beautiful, but the memories attached to each ornament.

I start with the carefully wrapped treasures--feather flamingo from my friend J. representing the now quarter- century long "joke" we have shared, an angel in a tiny snow globe from my "angel" friend at work, carefully and beautifully embroidered German balls from our friends there, beaded bells and candy canes that T. had strung together. There were reindeers (several) crafted in second grade by various of the 4. (One needed his eye glued back on). There were intricately stitched ornaments--one for each year, for each of the four--depicting something related to their self (how did I find the time?). E. has several skater ornaments. D has an adorable cub scout as cute as he was, M. is beaming at me as her most precouscious and photogenic self from a 5 year- olds hand cut construction paper bell- lamnated, name carefully lettered on the back in her kindergarten handwriting. There are several J. trains, as he loved them then. There is the drummer boy from 1988 because D. was really one then. There is an over- the- river- and- through- the- woods shiny metal ornament from 1977, from the "B "s, when we could go to grandmother's house, although it was in a Mazda, not a sleigh.

The years fly by, and I enjoy the thoughts of "them"--both the years, and the children who filled our house with noise and love. Who fought, and squabbled, left fingerprints and glow in the dark glop on our walls, and filled our days with laughter, frustrations, and busyness that I can't even imagine keeping up with now! Thoughts of all the special people in our lives who have over the years, contributed to this collection that adorns our tree.

There is the goofy poodle satin ball and pompom ornament crafted by Aunt H. There are the ornate pearl, bead, sequin creations of Aunt L., looking inspired by her trips to Europe, as these would be more in place in a palace than they were in the modest downriver homes or our origins. There is the obnoxius Pointsettia that sings "rockin around the Xmas tree" from Aunt L2--always a fan of the obnoxious and battery operated. Individually, they are strange, ugly, odd, homemade, tacky, old, unusual, or over the top--but I like them, not for themselves, but for the lives lived they represent.

There is a layer from my youth..mostly ceremic..angels, skiing santas, Mrs. Clauss. I can remember being little, and putting these on my parent's tree.....There are the sequin and tassle balls crafted by grandma F in HER favorite color- tourquoise! There are crochet mice and wreaths, bird feeders made of medicine cups, and winter scenes from discarded holiday cards glued into a canning jar lid by a first grader years ago. There are several "Make it bake it" ornaments, carefully baked by little ones spending the day with Grandma B.

I mist up thinking of those who are not around to wish a happy holiday anymore--I miss the "Scrooge" act, and the egg nog, the burbon balls and fudge meltaways, the krispy treats and wild morning treck from house to house.... The tabacco smell that had permeated even the wrapped gifts... and later, the boxes from Florida. The large extended family gatherings, where people often had a hard time being "nice" for the whole time, and the food was good, although often tepid by the time time we all sat down.

So now we move forward with 2006. New ornaments for this year purchased in fancy botiques, not child-made or home-made, for that is where our lives are now. An acorn, a glass bird, a snowman...to add to the collection and the memories.

I never want my tree to be "matching"......sorry E. Some day you may understand!