Things I can no longer share….

 I miss her.  I miss the phone calls to talk about her day.  I missed helping to set up her room at school.  I missed the field trip to find the best prices on crayons, markers, and glue sticks to replenish her bins!  I miss sharing the victory of finding “five dollar pants!”  I missed making her a new back to school apron.  

I miss her smile!  I miss her arrival at my house in her bright yellow jeep, huge bag(s) slung over her shoulder, fast food wrappers for my trash.  I miss her creative outfits, bold jewlery, and funky shoes.  I miss all that I took for granted before the diagnosis.  I miss going for lunch!  I miss her texts, emails, and posts. 

I miss listening to the current “crisis”.  I miss the relating of her plans, big and small.  I miss making her pair of annual Christmas socks;  bright, colorful, and increasingly complicated patterns. I miss talking through challenges with a student or parents or teacher that she was trying to help.  I miss seeing this years “school picture”.

I know I will always have the memories.  I will always be the mother of four!  I think of her often.  Things remind me of her.  I see things I would like to get for her or tell her about.  But its not the same.  I miss the  relationship we had.  I miss her.